Don't React. Respond.

In our relationships, whether at home, work, out and about wherever we may be and whatever we may be doing we can either react or respond. At first glance the two are not all that different but there is one distinct difference between the two that makes one for better for us to use than the other. The main difference between the two is control.

Reactions are automatic. Isaac Newton said "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." You can’t help it. It just happens. It's like watching someone belly flop from a high diving board – the moment you hear that slap of flesh on water you can’t help but ‘oooooohhh’ That’s a reaction.

Responses are controlled. They involve time to reflect, consider one’s actions and make your move. Responses are far more helpful in relationships than reactions. But they take a lot more work to master.

If there was one person who lived a lifestyle of reactions and learned this lesson the hard way it was a guy called Peter. Peter was one of Jesus’ closest friends. He was one of his apprentices, his followers. Peter had a habit of reacting rather than responding to various situations... and we’re going to look at a couple examples of his rashness and see how we can learn from his mistakes.

The first story is at an event called the ‘Transfiguration’. Jesus took his three closest mates – Peter, James and John – up onto a mountain to get away from the bustle of life and pray. While they were there something happened. Jesus went from his usual appearance as an average, working class, Jewish bloke to miraculously looking spectacular. He was radiant in dazzling bright white clothes light flashes of lightning and his face just beamed with glory and wonder and majesty brighter than the sun. Suddenly two other men were there in the same shiny white attire – one was Moses (from the Prince of Egypt) and the other was Elijah (one of the most famous Old Testament prophets) I don’t know how they knew it was them, maybe Jesus told them afterwards, but anyway – they were there talking with Jesus about what was going to happen at Easter and just how significant his death and resurrection was going to be. Like some ultra-holy pep-talk.Peter is watching all this unfold in front of him and says “I’m very happy to be here. I’m having a lovely time... Do you want me to build you a Gazebo? You know, some kind of memorial awning or something? I could build one for you, Jesus. One for Moses and one for Elijah?”

If Responding is about all control Peter is freefalling here. Even Luke, who wrote the story is his gospel writes afterward in brackets (He did not know what he was saying). Peter just didn’t get it. He didn’t know what was happening and so, instead of waiting to figure out what to do or wait for instructions, he reacts and gets it totally wrong. We’re more likely to react when we don’t know the full story; when we don’t see the big picture; when we don’t understand what’s happening. It is always better to find out more before reacting quickly and totally missing the point.

The second example is in the garden of Gethsemane on the Thursday night before Good Friday. The disciples have been with Jesus all evening. They had shared the first communion together earlier that night at dinner and now they were all, except Judas, with Jesus in the garden. Jesus had gone off alone to pray and told them to keep watch. The disciples were tired and fell asleep. Judas comes back, leading a troop of temple soldiers right towards Jesus so they can arrest him. Judas betrays Jesus with a kiss and the soldiers move in to arrest him. During the scuffle of Jesus being arrested, one of the disciples takes his sword out and chops off the ear of one of the soldiers (who is the servant of the High Priest). That disciple? It was Peter.

Peter wasn't thinking ‘Jesus is being arrested, they’re going to take him and kill him. I know... I’ll cut someone’s ear off! That’ll help!’ he was just swinging wildly with the sword in blind panic. We are more likely to react when we are tired and stressed. Peter probably wasn’t thinking clearly because the guy was shattered. He’d had an emotionally draining night where Jesus had said some things that were hard to hear and understand. And now, in the heat of the moment he just lost it and, without really thinking too much, he’s cut a man’s ear off. I’m sure arguments and conflicts seem to occur more frequently in stressful situations or when I’m tired.

Peter was rubbish at Responding. He reacted to everything.
But he finally learned his lesson. After Jesus had died, been raised to life again and then ascended to heaven; and after the Holy Spirit had come at Pentecost, Peter was a different man.

One time, Peter and John got arrested for teaching about Jesus. They were dragged before the religious leaders in Jerusalem and questioned. Now, Old Peter probably would’ve flown off the handle at them and done something stupid under the pressure of the situation. But he’s changed.
Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, began to tell the court the story of Jesus calmly, clearly and with authority. Acts 4:13 says when they (the religious courtroom officials) saw the courage of Peter and John and realised that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.
Jesus’ influence - of always responding rather than react to the situation - had finally rubbed off on Peter. And the Holy Spirit now lived inside him, guiding him, helping him. Peter was following the example he’d seen in Jesus and was being helped by the Holy Spirit to do so. Peter was responding, not reacting. He was taking time to reflect, to pray things through, then make his move, not just in his own strength, but with God’s help.

Elsewhere in the bible there is a list of personality traits known as the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’. They are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. But when you try to follow Jesus’ example, and when the Holy Spirit comes to live in you and work alongside you, these qualities begin to develop and show in your life. And what Peter learned, and what I’m learning, and what you can know too is that with God’s help we can respond rather than react.
Reacting is self preservation, it’s defensive, it’s out of our control. It’s often painful to others (it can leave people ear-less), it’s not beneficial to anyone really. But with God helping us, and with Jesus’ example to follow, we can respond gently and lovingly, in joy and peace, with patience and kindness and self-control displaying the goodness and faithfulness of God in us and through us.

Peter later wrote a couple of letters to local churches helping them to learn the lessons he’d learnt by living and working and learning from his time with Jesus and starting the early Church.
And so I’ll give Peter the final word...

"Prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
Rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
Be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

[Sermon from Church.co.uk, 10/10/10]